Calloused and Cold: My Heart When I Was in Seminary

Day after day, my mind was being shaped by the truths of God’s Word, but my heart grew numb to God's love.

During my days in seminary, it was incredibly easy for the reading of God’s Word to become a purely academic endeavor. Day after day, my mind was being shaped by the truths of God’s Word, which was good and right, but my heart grew numb and cold, even calloused at times. Many of my friends and colleagues have had similar experiences, as have many of my students. But how does this happen? These words from a dear friend offer a helpful (and personally convicting) explanation:

“Evangelicals have relentlessly claimed to be people of the Bible, have even prided themselves on being such. But it is surely true that an evangelical tendency is to read Scripture in order to know Scripture, in order to gather truth claims from Scripture, and to defend those truth claims against counter-claims. [While these are good desires], what evangelicals have not done well is read Scripture in order to know God, to commune with God, to immerse themselves into the character of God. . . . [We need to] engage God’s Word to know, really know, the God who speaks to us as a Father who loves, a Spirit who sanctifies, a Son who redeems and brings us into obedience to His good lordship. We read too much for principles and not enough for personal communion and transformation. . . . We must come to Scripture as though called by the covenant grace and goodness and love of the Father, Son, and Spirit to commune with and be transformed by Him. Our goal is not to master the text of Scripture but to be mastered by the God who freely gives grace to us through Scripture.“

If I am truly mastered by the God of the Scriptures, I will certainly be able to defend the truth of God’s Word—truth for which we must always contend, even if it costs us our lives. But if I read Scripture not simply to know what is true but to personally know the God of the Bible, I will become so captivated by God Himself that the truths of Scripture are seen not simply as true but as beautiful, good, and desirable. Lord-willing this will lead to a faith that is not only academically correct and objectively true but that sees the Triune God as supremely valuable, which will make the objective truths of Scripture that much more compelling to a lost and broken world.